Self-sabotaging behavior refers to intentional action or inaction that undermines people's progress and prevents them from accomplishing their goals. When people take these destructive steps, their harmful behavior can negatively impact nearly every part of their lives including their relationships and career. This article discusses why people engage in self-sabotaging behaviors and provides some examples of self-sabotage. It also explores steps you can take to stop undermining your own success.
What Causes Self-Sabotaging Behavior?
People thwart their progress for a variety of reasons. They may consciously or unconsciously commit acts of self-sabotage. The causes range from childhood issues to prior relationship effects. Other reasons for this type of destructive behavior vary from low self-esteem and coping problems to problems with cognitive dissonance. Self-sabotage often serves as a coping mechanism that people use to deal with stressful situations and past traumas. Unfortunately, it typically makes problems worse and limits a person's ability to successfully move forward in a healthy way.
Difficult Childhood
Growing up in a dysfunctional family can contribute to acts of self-sabotage. Some parents, either knowing no better or afraid that their children will be disappointed, tell their kids not to think big. Maybe they said, “Who are you to believe you can go to college? You need to work like the rest of us.”
Conscious and Unconscious Self-Sabotaging
People who self-sabotage might be aware of their actions. For example, someone who's overweight and on a diet might consciously sabotage their good efforts by eating a whole carton of ice cream. Or they might unconsciously act. A person misses a work deadline. On the surface, it seems like he was running late. But the truth is he’s afraid of failure. He self-sabotages by missing the due date, thus he thwarts his goal to move up in the company.
Examples of Self-Sabotaging Behavior
Mental health practitioners have identified common examples of the ways people self-sabotage. Three easy-to-identify examples include procrastination, perfectionism, and self-medication.
Procrastination
People who self-sabotage often procrastinate. Procrastination is a way you show others you’re never ready and put off a good outcome. It’s because people fear disappointing others, failing, or succeeding.
Perfectionism
Holding oneself to an impossible standard will cause delays and setbacks. While it seems like a positive strategy to aim for things to go as planned without a hitch, perfectionism hampers success. When something does go wrong, as it inevitably will, perfectionists come undone. They end up feeling ashamed. Prone to depression, they feel like they are letting everyone down. Those who self-sabotage sometimes waste lots of time on unimportant details.
Self-Medication
To deal with the constant battle between wanting to be successful and the script that plays in their brains saying they can’t be, many soothe themselves through drugs, alcohol, and self-injury. This destructive behavior can also strip people of their motivation and make them anxious. Self-sabotaging can lead to chronic struggles with food, liquor, drugs, gambling, and self-injury.
How to Stop Self-Sabotaging
If you're working with a therapist or counselor, your best advice is to look to them for guidance. If you want some pointers on how to cease this negative behavior, here are some things you should consider to prevent you from causing more harm.
Examine the Root Causes
Look for patterns in your life. Have you been prone to thwart your good efforts repeatedly? Did these acts occur before you were about to succeed or when you were close to achieving your personal desires? As mentioned, this behavior may stem from childhood.
Stop Procrastinating
Common behavior exhibited by those who self-sabotage is procrastination.
Stop Perfectionistic Thinking
Self-sabotaging people are often perfectionists. Maybe you overthink every detail, and everything has to be just right. Aim to strive for excellence, not perfection. Make small improvements and note progress on the way toward accomplishing the desired goal.
Make Small Incremental Changes
If you’re trying to get healthy, don’t make all-or-nothing decisions. Don't throw in the towel if you miss the gym one week. Start back the next. Make small incremental changes and act on them slowly. This way, you might prevent your sabotaging mind from putting on the brakes. Take more bite-sized actions that won’t derail you.
Remember That Self-Sabotaging Takes Work
This negative behavior is time-consuming and takes a lot of work. Recent research shows that self-handicapping is resource-demanding. A study by researchers at Indiana University reported in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology counterintuitive results. Early birds self-sabotage more in the morning and night owls self-sabotage more at night. That means they undermined their performances not when they were tired, but when they had peak cognitive resources at their disposal. It, therefore, takes a lot of energy to continue this behavior, and it leads to maladaptive outcomes.
Therapeutic Approaches and Treatment
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) helps with emotional issues and impulsive behaviors related to self-sabotage. DBT is a therapeutic approach that can assist individuals in managing the emotional dysregulation and impulsive actions that often accompany self-sabotaging patterns.
Conclusion
Self-sabotaging behavior is a complex issue rooted in various psychological factors including childhood experiences, low self-esteem, and maladaptive coping mechanisms. Understanding the causes and recognizing the forms it takes—such as procrastination, perfectionism, and self-medication—are crucial first steps toward change. Implementing strategies like examining root causes, stopping procrastination and perfectionistic thinking, and making small incremental changes can help interrupt these patterns. For those struggling significantly, professional therapeutic interventions like Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) offer structured support for addressing the emotional and impulsive components of self-sabotage. Remember that overcoming self-sabotage requires consistent effort and often benefits from professional guidance.